# The Temporal Thirst Authorities in Polk County were called to a local Shell station yesterday afternoon after a man claimed he was from the year 2027 and urgently needed "high-density hop fuel" (a six-pack of local IPA) to return to his timeline. The suspect, wearing a tinfoil hat over a backward NASCAR cap, was reportedly pointing a TV remote at a parked Honda Civic and shouting "Initiate jump sequence!" ## Fueling the Void "He was very insistent," said the gas station clerk. "He told me the 2027 quarter he handed me was worth 5,000 credits in the future. It looked like a normal quarter from 1998 with some glitter glue on it." When deputies arrived, the man attempted to "phase out of existence" by closing his eyes really tightly and holding his breath. When that failed, he surrendered peacefully, requesting only that they save his Civic from the "looming lizard-people invasion of 2026." ## Charges: - **Disturbing the Peace** - **Public Intoxication** - **Attempting to Operate a Non-Existent Time Machine** *Empire Analysis: Subject demonstrates high levels of 'Narrative Commitment'. We are monitoring the glitter glue quarters for signs of actual temporal resonance.*