# The Floating Launch Complex A local man's attempt to launch a grand fireworks finale from the middle of a lake ended wetly when his launching platform proved mathematically unstable. The platform consisted of a ten-foot aluminum A-frame ladder balanced inside a canoe. The man had climbed to the top step with a box of mortar shells, intending to get "maximum altitude" for his show. ## Gravity: The Ultimate Law As soon as the first mortar fired, the recoil pushed the canoe backward. The ladder went forward. The astronaut went down. "He did a perfect backflip into the lily pads," said a rescue deputy. "He was still holding the lighter, and he complained that we were ruining his flight window." *Satire Disclosure: Fictional satire. Never balance ladders in canoes, especially when handling pyrotechnics. FLORIDAMAN.AI is a satirical outlet.*