In a move that has shocked absolutely no one who has ever experienced an argument about whether to watch "Jeopardy!" or "Wheel of Fortune," a man in Orlando tragically misunderstood the "till death do us part" clause after a heated debate at home. The dispute, which started after a disagreement over something likely as trivial as the last slice of pizza or the eternal question of who left the fridge open, ended in a manner that can only be described as a catastrophic failure of Google's "how to resolve domestic arguments" search algorithm. Authorities were baffled by the incident, not because it's unusual for couples to argue—because let's face it, if a couple says they never argue, they're either lying or they've just never tried to assemble IKEA furniture together—but because someone finally took the term "killer argument" a tad too literally. "In my 20 years on the force, I've seen people fight over everything from football teams to whether pineapple belongs on pizza," remarked one officer, who preferred to remain anonymous because he secretly believes that pineapple does, in fact, belong on pizza. "But this is the first time we've seen an argument escalate because someone couldn't remember where they left their glasses—and they were on their head the whole time." Experts are now urging couples everywhere to resort to more traditional methods of settling disputes, such as rock-paper-scissors or the less known but highly effective "who can silently huff the longest" technique. Couples therapists across the nation are also suggesting the revolutionary idea that maybe, just maybe, listening to each other might help prevent disagreements from escalating. "It's a radical approach," admitted one therapist, "but it just might work." In light of this tragedy, families are being encouraged to discuss the real issues, like why anyone thinks it's a good idea to argue with someone who can't remember why they're arguing in the first place. As for the rest of us, it's a stark reminder that perhaps it's not worth getting heated over the small stuff—like whether it’s called "soda" or "pop." After all, in the grand scheme of things, being right on the internet is less important than, you know, not committing a crime. Satire Disclosure: This article is a work of satire. None of the events described above should be taken as truth. Inspired by sources: - The factual basis of the incident involved a man killing his wife with dementia after a heated argument at their Orlando home.