Florida Man Arrested for Assault with a Deadly Weapon: A Slice of Pepperoni

# Example A: The Pizza Slap In aheated argument over topping choices, a Florida Man allegedly slapped his roommate across the face with a hot slice of pepperoni pizza. Police arrived to find the victim with "sauce burns and pepperoni grease patterns" on his left cheek. The weapon was found on the floor, cheese-side down (a tragedy in itself). ## Weapon of Choice Authorities noted that while pizza is delicious, it becomes a projectile in the hands of a true Florida Man. - **Velocity**: High. - **Temperature**: Scalding. - **Crust**: Stuffed. "It wasn't delivery, it was assault," the report *should* have read. The suspect claimed self-defense, stating the roommate "disrespected the garlic knots." *Satire Disclosure: Based on a Pasco County report.*