In a shocking turn of events that can only be described as 'Florida Man Strikes Again', a local man has escalated the state's notorious headline game to unprecedented levels. In a series of actions that would make even the most ardent action movie fan blink twice, this particular Florida Man took it upon himself to not only engage in a lethal confrontation with his ex-girlfriend and her friend but also to lead authorities on a high-speed chase down Interstate 75 that ended in a tragic, self-inflicted conclusion. The events, which unfolded like a rejected Fast and Furious script written by a particularly morose screenwriter, commenced with the man deciding that the best course of action to deal with his feelings was, naturally, to turn life into a lethal game of Mario Kart minus the karts and, unfortunately, the mushrooms. The pursuit that followed did nothing to dispel the growing concern that Florida's driving schools might be including 'Evasion 101' as part of their curriculum, as the man demonstrated skills that would have state troopers nodding in reluctant admiration, were the circumstances not so horrifically tragic. Authorities involved in the chase were quoted as saying, "We've seen some things on I-75, but this was like if Michael Bay directed traffic." The statement, hastily clarified as "in no way minimizing the tragic loss of life," did little to dissuade the public from speculating just what might be in Florida's water (aside from alligators) to inspire such a chain of events. In response to the incident, a spokesperson for the Florida Department of Transportation announced a new traffic sign initiative, with signs reading: "Fast & Furious Auditions Held Elsewhere" and "Remember, Your Ex Isn’t Worth a High-Speed Chase." While these signs are expected to have as much effect on Florida man incidents as a speed bump on a hurricane, officials remain hopeful. In a related development, a bid has been put forth to include a new event in the next Olympics: the Florida Man Decathlon, featuring events such as 'Alligator Wrestling', 'Extreme Public Disturbance' and the highly anticipated 'Interstate Sprint'. The IOC has yet to respond. Satire Disclosure: This article is a work of satire and not intended to describe real events. The details within were inspired by reported incidents, but the descriptions and developments described herein are fabricated for entertainment purposes. Inspired by sources: - Original headline and facts from FOX 13 Tampa Bay.