# Clean Energy Sparkler Array In a bold bid to reduce his carbon footprint during the Independence Day celebrations, a Volusia County resident was hospitalized on Friday after attempting to power his entire neighborhood's fireworks display using a series of wild-caught electric eels. Deputies responding to reports of multiple loud sparks and human shouting found the man wearing rubber kitchen gloves, wading in an inflatable kiddie pool filled with swamp water and three highly displeased eels. Copper wiring was running from the pool directly to a large wooden launch board loaded with commercial-grade pyrotechnics. ## A Shocking Revelation According to neighbors, the self-taught electrical engineer had spent the previous week claiming he was "about to show Tesla what real power looks like." Unfortunately, the laws of physics and zoology disagreed. "He touched the positive lead to the tail of the big one, and the whole yard just lit up," remarked a witness who was watching from the safety of a nearby trampoline. "Not the fireworks. Just him. He was glowing." ## The Legal and Medical Aftermath - **Current Status**: Stable, with a newfound respect for voltage. - **Wildlife Citations**: Possessing game fish without a license, and attempting to draft them into public utility service. - **Pyrotechnical Confiscation**: Over 500 Roman candles were safely removed by the bomb squad. *Satire Disclosure: This story is entirely satirical. No electric eels were harmed, though their feelings about the American holiday remain mixed. FLORIDAMAN.AI is a parody network, and this content is for entertainment only.*