Florida Man Attempts to Pay $2,400 Child Support with Bag of Live Iguanas, Judge Unimpressed

# The Reptile Reserve Currency In a bold move that financial analysts are calling "unprecedented but on brand," a Brevard County man appeared in family court yesterday with a duffel bag containing 47 live iguanas, which he attempted to tender as full payment for $2,400 in back child support. ## The Economic Theory "I did the math, Your Honor," the defendant told the visibly exhausted judge. "Each iguana retails for about $50 at the exotic pet expo. That's $2,350 right there. Plus the bag is a nice duffel. Throw in the sentimental value—these aren't just lizards, they're *family*—and we're looking at fair market value, easy." He further argued that iguanas are "appreciating assets" because "they get bigger and meaner every year, unlike the dollar which just gets smaller and sadder." ## The Judge's Ruling Circuit Judge Maria Kowalski denied the motion, citing: 1. Florida Statute 61.13 does not accept "scaly collateral" 2. The court lacks adequate terrarium facilities 3. "Sir, one of them just bit the bailiff. That's contempt." ## The Iguanas' Fate The reptiles were seized by Florida Fish and Wildlife. The defendant was ordered to pay in "actual money, the kind with dead presidents on it" and was reminded that child support cannot be paid in: - Cryptocurrency (previously attempted) - Alligator teeth (attempted in 2021) - "Vibes" (attempted last month) - A really good story about a manatee (denied) *Satire Disclosure: Inspired by the very real Florida tradition of creative court defenses. The iguana economy remains unregulated.*