Florida
Forever.

EVERGLADES CITY — Wildlife officials shut down an illegal transportation service run by Jake Morrison, 36, who had been offering rides across swamp areas via trained alligators. Morrison advertised the service on Facebook Marketplace as “EverGator Rides – 4.8 star rating!” Charges include operating without proper permits, endangering public safety, and “gross misrepresentation of alligator…

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FORT LAUDERDALE — A tense 45-minute standoff ended peacefully when SWAT team members convinced homeowner Darren Mills, 41, that the “armed intruder” in his house was actually his own reflection. Mills had recently purchased a full-length mirror from IKEA but forgot about it after assembling it drunk. He spent three hours hiding in his bathtub,…

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TAMPA — State troopers arrested Chester Williams, 52, after he attempted to bypass a toll plaza using a trebuchet-style catapult he built in his backyard. The launch was partially successful, sending Williams approximately 40 feet through the air before landing in a decorative hedge. When questioned, Williams insisted he was “making a statement about government…

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PENSACOLA — Store employees were shocked to discover a man had been secretly living in the attic of a local Walmart, complete with a makeshift bedroom, mini-fridge (stolen from electronics), and an impressive collection of beef jerky. The man, identified as Robert “Bobby” Jenkins, 45, had tapped into the store’s electrical system and had been…

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MIAMI — A robbery attempt went sideways when 38-year-old Kevin Hartwell entered a Wells Fargo branch holding a 3-foot alligator and shouting “This is a robbery, this gator will bite!” Witnesses report the alligator appeared “confused and uninterested,” eventually performing what the police report describes as “a lazy barrel roll” before falling asleep. Hartwell was…

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ORLANDO — A bizarre case of alleged wildlife weaponization came to an end when police arrested Martin Henderson, 29, for training neighborhood squirrels to harass his ex-girlfriend. Henderson allegedly used a system of peanut butter rewards to condition the rodents to swarm her car every morning. His attorney argues the squirrels are “independent contractors” and…

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