Florida
Forever.

ORLANDO — A bizarre case of alleged wildlife weaponization came to an end when police arrested Martin Henderson, 29, for training neighborhood squirrels to harass his ex-girlfriend. Henderson allegedly used a system of peanut butter rewards to condition the rodents to swarm her car every morning. His attorney argues the squirrels are “independent contractors” and…

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FORT MYERS — What started as a territorial dispute in a retention pond ended with an unlikely friendship. Local resident Dale Whitmore, 41, engaged in a 15-minute battle with a 6-foot alligator using only an inflatable pool noodle and “pure adrenaline.” After successfully defending his claimed “swimming hole,” Whitmore reportedly felt bad and began leaving…

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JACKSONVILLE — Deputies responded to a frantic 911 call from a local man reporting a theft of “approximately $400 worth of property.” Upon arrival, the man explained someone had broken into his shed and stolen his cannabis plants. When officers explained they couldn’t file a theft report for illegal substances, the man demanded to speak…

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TAMPA — A 34-year-old Florida man was taken into custody Tuesday after attempting to purchase a Big Mac meal by offering the drive-thru cashier a sandwich bag of marijuana. When informed this was not acceptable payment, he reportedly argued that “thoughts and prayers should count for something” before driving to the first window and waiting…

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