Florida Man Barters 100-Pound Invasive Python for Lifetime Supply of Pub-Subs

# The Ultimate Everglades Trade Agreement The Florida Fish and Wildlife bounty on invasive Burmese pythons offers financial compensation for protecting the Everglades. But one Collier County hunter attempted to bypass currency altogether for Florida's true standard of wealth: the deli counter. ## The Proposition Hunter Randy 'Gator-Bait' Thompson presented a captured 14-foot, 105-pound python in a breathable canvas duffel to the deli manager at a Naples supermarket. "The state offers cash, but cash is subject to inflation," Thompson declared. "A Chicken Tender Sub—tossed in Buffalo sauce with Boar's Head three-pepper colby jack—is a timeless store of nutritional value. I calculated that one 14-foot serpent equals approximately 240 whole subs." ## The Counter-Offer While supermarket policy prohibited the storage of live reptiles behind the hot food bar, the state bounty program awarded Thompson $1,200 in official funds, which Thompson immediately converted into deli gift cards. > **Satire Disclosure:** A satirical parody highlighting Florida's invasive python removal efforts and iconic sub sandwich enthusiasm.