# The Way of the Webbed Foot A central Florida park was the scene of an epic battle between man and nature yesterday, as a local "martial arts enthusiast" attempted to practice his roundhouse kicks on a flock of swans. Police received multiple calls about a "shirtless ninja" fighting birds near the lake. ## The Fight Tape Witness video confirms that the Florida Man: 1. Bowed respectfully to the lead swan. 2. Attempted a crane kick (ironic). 3. Was immediately chased by 15 angry birds. ## The Verdict "Swans are mean," the suspect admitted while being treated for peck wounds. "I thought they had honor." He was charged with animal cruelty (though the swans seemed physically unharmed and emotionally empowered) and disturbing the peace. *Satire Disclosure: Do not fight swans. You will lose.*