# The Battle of the Back Nine A dispute over court reservations escalated into full-scale pyrotechnic warfare at a prominent local retirement community this holiday weekend. According to incident reports, two rival factions of shuffleboard enthusiasts customized their custom golf carts with plastic pipe launch tubes. The carts, decorated to look like mini-battleships, engaged in a low-speed pursuit around the main clubhouse pond, firing Roman candles at each other. ## Tactics of the Golden Years "They were maneuvering at a blazing 11 miles per hour," reported a spectator who was trying to finish his egg salad sandwich. "The crossfire of red and green sparks was beautiful, but one of the carts ended up in the sand trap." Fortunately, no injuries were reported, though three sun hat brims were singed and one cart's cup holder was permanently melted. *Satire Disclosure: This story is parodical and satirical. FLORIDAMAN.AI content is fictional and not intended to deceive.*